Tuesday, May 5, 2009
It occurred to me that, being new to the blogging world, I had not told you all my story of how my family came to be. I will try not to make it too long.
My husband, Charles, and I have both grown up here in Alabama, in the same town, our whole lives. He started going to the church I went to when he was in the fifth grade. He was so cute. I really had a crush on him but he liked one of my friends. Oh the joys of being a preteen. I tried my best to get his attention, maybe a little too hard. He thought I was a little goofy and silly. He was SOOO mature. So years went by and I never really saw him that much except on Sundays. I didn't really notice him anymore. At the start of my junior in high school, this guy spoke to our church on a Sunday night about his summer experience working with children. I could not take my eyes off of him. I new it was Charles but he had grown up some and so had I. We spoke after church. A whole year went by before I talked to him again. He and I became very involved in our youth group and we started talking a lot. he called me the first day of our senior year. We went on our first date that weekend and have been together ever since.
Charles felt called to the ministry a year into our relationship. He went Alabama for a year. And then we both went to Samford. We married on May 31, 1997. I wanted to start trying to have children after our first year of marriage but he wanted to wait a little longer. March of 1999 I found out I was pregnant. We were so excited. We had not tried for long and were thrilled at the thought of being parents. Everything went along as planned. Until my 16 week check up. We went in as normal and they checked for a heartbeat. We had already heard the heartbeat the month before and had no reason to be concerned at this appointment. They could not find the heartbeat. Oh the feelings that were building in me. After multiple tries and multiple people trying. I went to have an ultrasound. I knew what was coming. I could feel it in my bones. The ultrasound confirmed my fears. Our baby had died. I was scheduled for a D and C the next day. I cried. Charles cried. It was horrible. How could this have happened? I had done everything i was supposed to do. I am a rule follower. I f the doctor or the book said don't do it I didn't do it. Not to mention, I was a good person. I know the Lord as my personal Savior. I do the right thing. I am nice to others. This is where that "why do bad things happen to good people' mentality comes into play. I went from being very upset to angry. Angry at God. He could have changed things. I stayed this way for several months and became very depressed. Charles finally reminded me that God still had a plan for us. I knew that, I just got a little stuck in my self-pity.
We proceeded to try again. During the next couple of months, we moved to our hometown and Charles changed jobs. He was now the children's pastor at our home church. It was great to be back! Right after we moved I found out I was pregnant again. But 2 months later, I miscarried again. We were told this was not uncommon and to try again. Which we did and became pregnant very quickly. But, yet again, miscarried around 2 months. AHHHH!!! What was going on? What was wrong with me? Why could I not do what God had created me to do? I was again mad at God. I yelled and screamed at Him. I had always been told you were no to question God or get mad at Him. You know what I found out? God can handle it. I was talking to Him. I could have been all 'Lord, I know you know what you are doing and I trust You" but that what not have been true. I didn't feel like He had my best interest in mind. I did come around and did get to that place. But I did learn that God can work even in my anger. I finally had peace that no matter what we were going to be OK.
I started going to a fertility specialist in our city. He ran lots and lots of tests. It was hard but we were hopeful we would find out what was going on. Nothing came back positive. We were told to try again but call immediately when I became pregnant. One month later, we were making that call. I went in and found out my progesterone was low. I started progesterone shots that day. I had to take them everyday for 16 weeks. Charles and my sister gave them to me. I also took a baby aspirin everyday to avoid clots. John Adams (Jay) was born March 11, 2001. He was followed 16 months later by Riley (Roo). We were in awe. Thank you God for these miracles!
Two years later we decided the time was right to have another baby. Our fears were still there but we knew, no matter what, we would be OK. We became pregnant again but, 8 weeks later had another miscarriage. We had done everything the same as before. All we could do was keep trying. Again, we became pregnant. I knew to get through this pregnancy I was just going to have to trust God. I did not want to be afraid everyday. I wanted to enjoy being pregnant. With much prayer, I was able to do that. Ellie (Bug) was born August 21, 2005.
I don't know what God has in store for our future. We are very busy with our 3 growing children. I do ,however, feel like we are not complete yet. It is hard to say we want to try to have more because the whole process is not an easy one. God will guide us as He always has.
So that is our story, Maybe longer than you were hoping but there it is. It is important to me to share my story with you because I know I am not the only one to ever struggle with fertility issues. I know how comforting it is to hear someone else's story in the midst of my own. I also want to give God the glory for all He has brought us through. Without Him, I am nothing. Thanks for reading.